Ten
by Awsomly Odd
Summary: Ten things you should never do to our favorite Tortallans. suck at summaries, sorry.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Awsomly Odd: knock-knock!

Random Person: Who's there?

Awsomly Odd: Me!

Random Person: Me, who?

Awsomly Odd: Me, the person who owns nothing. It all belongs to Tamora Pierce.

Random Person: Thats not a very good joke. :(

Awsomly Odd: Oh, Shut up.

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Things you should never do to our favorite Tortallans.

1: Remove all clothing from Kel's room except for the laciest, pinkest, most hideous ball gown you can find, be sure to remove the glaive, sword, or any potential weapons, just for the sake of self-preservation.

2: Dress up like Roger and convince Alanna that Roger has risen from the dead...again. Warning: Look out for swinging swords!

3: Ask Raoul if he thought that giantess fell in love with him during the drought was attractive.(mentioned during Squire.)

4: If Raoul says yes, tell Buri, then ask if she thinks this might have anything to do with her. If Rauol says no, lie and tell Buri he said yes, then ask anyway.

5: Lock His Majesty (Jon) in a room with Thayet, Alanna, and Delia. Be sure both Alanna and Thayet are fully armed.

6: Find George's colection of ears and get the cook to serve them as hors d'oeuvre at the Midwinter Ball. 

7: Bring all of your old stuffed animals and tell Daine that an evil mage is turning all the People into fluffy dolls!

8: Dye all of Numair's black mage robes yellow and tell him he has been demoted.

9: Convince Neal that he is the world's most brilliant poet so that he will stroll the palace halls shouting bad poetry at the top of his lungs. Be sure to be nowhere in sight when the others find out who did this as it could possibly be considered an act of war.

10: Tell Dom that Neal is in love with Kel, wait until Dom has beat Neal so bad that he will not be able to shout his poetry for at least a month to tell Dom that you were lying. Dom will feel bad but at least it got Meathead to shut up!

The End

A/N: I know it isn't very good, just somthing I wrote at 4:00 in the morning when I couldn't sleep and felt silly, But I liked it and thought some of you might get a kick out of it. R&R.

Awsomly Odd


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:

Awsomly Odd: knock-knok!

Random Person: Pleade don't tell me you're using _that _sad joke again.

Awsomly Odd: _*sighs* _Fine, but I'm still not Tamora Pierce.

Well, I had ment for this to be a one-shot, but I got bored and decided to continue it with a list of things you shouldn't do to our favorite Dog and her friends.

1) Kidnap Faithfull (a.k.a Pounce from the future!) and set him and Pounce loose together in the Lower City, this will possibly cause Beka to have a mental breakdown.

2) Replace Rosto's shampoo with neon green hairdye, be far, far, far away when he realizes who did it!

3)Use time travel to introduce Beka to her six-times-great grandson George, ask George if Rosto is his six-times-great grandpa. (WARNING: Be sure Beka is not present when you ask this!)

4) Call the now green-haired Rosto an Ompa Lumpa!

5) Before Rosto can kill you, tell him George is Beka's six-times-great grandson and he knows who his six-times-great grandpa is.

6) Even if George says Rosto isn't his six-times-great grandpa, pay him to lie and tell Rosto he is!

7) Should George ask if you can send him back to his own time, tell him It's a one way trip, then run away. Quickly. I'm serious.

8)Tell all the Dogs that the Lord Provost was bitten by a miniture doxen and they will from now on be known as the Provost Cats.

9)Laugh when they change Beka's nickname from Terrier to Tabby, to go with their new name of course!

10) Tell Sabine that Tunstall is cheating on her. Laugh and watch while said Lady Knight beats poor Tunstall.

Not as good as the first, but please review anyway!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the first chapter!

**TheWackedOne**

**Nealen of Queenscove **

**black-venom-heart**

**Aria657**

**Lady Fire.1125**

And Special Thank To!

**ImWithTheScenery **(Your better than any Spell-check program I've ever used, and I fixed errors you pointed out in the first chapter, Thanks a ton!)


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